Weird Reviews From Amazon Users That Will Make You Cringe With Laughter
Amazon is the leading shopping website in the world. Whether you love or hate Jeff Bezos, you can’t deny the convenient perks of Amazon Prime without having to leave your house. You can literally buy anything you can think of and have it delivered to your doorstep the next day.
For real though, what would Amazon be without the Amazon review section? The reviews people write are pure hilarity. Seriously – how do these people even get these things out of their brains? It’s mind-blowing. Let’s dive into some of the weirdest reviews on Amazon to see what reviewers and even potential buyers are saying.
Too Much Pepper Spray…?
It’s inevitable that when you give people an online platform, they’re most likely going to say some pretty stupid things. Such as – does deleting files from my laptop make it lighter? Duh, it obviously doesn’t. Sorry but that’s just basic knowledge.
Pepper spray is a basic and cheap form of self-defense, especially if you are walking home alone late at night and hear footsteps behind you. You can never be too safe these days! In case of emergencies, pepper spray is a must-have item. However, if you are using pepper spray so much that it runs out, then maybe you need to move to a new neighborhood entirely.
A Genius Silver Lining
Ordering clothes online is proven to be a risky decision because you never know what exactly you’ll get, or if you’ll be satisfied with your purchase. If you’re a risk-taker, then buying clothes from Amazon may be worth it, even if they end up sending you the wrong size altogether.
This couple made the best out of their Amazon order mishap and the result is quite hilarious. Although the woman initially bought the item for her pregnancy announcement, her husband is the one who made use of it. Talk about a husband with a knack for humor and turning a disappointing situation into a funny one! The wife is a lucky gal.
Pages Were Missing From This Book
Sure, Amazon isn’t perfect and customers can never be sure what they’ll receive in the mail. But, receiving a book with missing pages…that’s a big “No” from us. How can anybody sell a book with pages missing? That should be a crime.
Obviously, thirty-three missing pages leave out pivotal story points, and we’re surprised the reviewer managed to finish the book despite the fact the middle wasn’t there. The person was still able to enjoy the book regardless of the pages that were left out. That’s talent right there!
A Sad Review
A lot of the time, Amazon reviews are pretty impersonal and don’t give much feeling to the person seeing them. And when Amazon is bombarding people with messages to leave reviews for their products, you’re never sure what memories or emotions that specific product can bring up for somebody.
Amazon, leave this poor guy alone! He’s dealing with the aftermath of a breakup and the last thing he wants to be reminded of is the outfit he bought for his girlfriend. This is a bittersweet but happy moment. It still makes us sad, though.
This Mix-Up Almost Cost A Person’s Marriage
Imagine ordering a product that was supposed to be one thing, and is an entirely different thing. For instance, this husband ordered a t-shirt and Amazon mistakenly sent him women’s underwear that was not his wife’s size. We can only imagine how he had to talk his way out of this one!
This poor guy had to do his best to explain to his wife what he received, which she probably would have been fairly upset over if she had found out. We’d hope his wife would be understanding, but it’s hard to know! Just like with Amazon purchases, you never know what you’re going to get.
Always Look At The Synopsis First
Before you want to watch a movie, you probably want to look up what it’s about first unless you’re the kind of person who likes to be surprised. At most, have an idea of what the genre is so you’re not thrown for a total loop!
Ok, we’re trying to not be too harsh but this guy has no idea what he is talking about. No matter what anybody thinks, The Shining is an iconic piece of cinema and the internet is full of memes of Jack Torrance. How could the reviewer be so blind? We beg to differ: he’s the rude one.
Stupidity Is A Thing
If this review didn’t have a “Verified Purchase” next to it, we’d think it’s a total dud. I mean, it actually is in reality. What person would ever think that cutting a cord off of a mouse would automatically make it wireless? Clearly, this person doesn’t have half of a brain.
The more shocking element of this review is that 1,744 people found it useful. We’re baffled that so many people would actually attempt to do the same, nevertheless finding it useful. What is happening to the world?! Can somebody please explain this to us?
Getting A Divorce Is Easier
The woman who ordered this premium, high-quality canned cat food is exactly that…cat food! That means it shouldn’t be given to humans, but that didn’t stop this hateful wife from putting it into her husband’s post-workout shakes. He didn’t even notice which is the gross part.
Yes, her husband’s shakes will have a bump of extra protein, even though the entire idea is really sinister. We think she should just divorce her husband, or seriously think about going to therapy. Either will do.
What Was She Even Expecting?
It’s simple. You can’t review something that you never even purchased. Also, how would Amazon randomly send a product to somebody that they didn’t order to begin with? There’s something fishy going on here.
The real enigma of this review is not only that she didn’t receive a product she didn’t buy, but also that it was a “verified purchase.” How is it verified if the lady didn’t purchase it and couldn’t even test it out? This spells S-C-A-M, without a doubt.
Hope For The Best, Expect The Worst
There are items that strictly have a single use, and then there are items that surprisingly can be used in multiple ways. Cat food, for example, should only be fed to our furry feline friends, but this reviewer had something else in mind.
In a just-in-case-of-emergency situation, and if Socialists do take over, this guy is certainly prepared. But, we know for a fact that there are cheaper food alternatives than cat food. If food ever does become scarce, we’re avoiding cat food altogether.
Pics Or It Didn’t Happen
We’re amazed at what some people do in their spare time. Taking photos based on an Amazon purchase helps other people make a decision if they want to buy it or not. While this photo is funny, it’s a bit embarrassing.
This reviewer was surprised at the size of the cat litter box, so much so that she had to try it for herself! While it seems like a decent size for one cat at a time, let’s just hope that both cats don’t try and do their business in there simultaneously. The woman looks happy as ever in her new home, even if she can barely fit.
Not A Happy Kitty
This review is a prime example of why you shouldn’t open other people’s Amazon packages, even if it’s for your significant other. The guy who opened his wife’s package thought it was a cat harness, and, sadly, their kitty had to tolerate this insanity. Poor thing!
We’d think that the Amazon product would come with some sort of product information or warning. Guess not…because the husband was utterly clueless and put it on their cat, instead of his wife.
Don’ts: Drunk Shopping
This is a warning to never shop on Amazon while drunk because the results could be dangerous. When you spend $150 on a blow-up mattress although you wanted an ice cream sandwich, how much alcohol did you actually imbibe?
In all honesty, the bed really does resemble an ice cream sandwich, but even we can figure out that the mattress would not fit into a freezer. It’s not rocket science, and we’re sober. Drunk minds are an enigma.
Smells Like Tears
Imagine being a math student desperate to get a graphing calculator before a big test, and all you can do is write odd reviews on Amazon. If you’ve been an English major then you are probably not math oriented, which is why this review is kind of funny but literally reeks of sadness.
It’s even funnier that the reviewer answered the question in a despaired state of panic. Also, who would be interested in what the calculator smells like? That’s strange. But maybe there’s a group of people out there who have some sort of calculator-smelling fetish. You can never be too surprised these days. We wonder how that person did on their math test, after all.
Sometimes Amazon customers don’t always use products in the way that they’re intended. It’s amazing that some people will even leave reviews that blame the product for not being well-made when really it’s the person’s own fault for being negligent.
The buyer’s thumb’s up for the product is ironic considering it’s the thumb that they cut with the knife. Luckily, the person has a good sense of humor about their injury, and we hope it doesn’t happen again.
A Kitchen Item That Will Change Your Life
Ok, we see you laughing right now – stop being so immature! Just kidding…we also threw out some giggles, too. Who knew that a banana slicer could be so versatile? It’s not only a very handy kitchen tool but also can be used for other things. Get your mind out of the gutter!
We never would have thought that a banana slicer could save somebody’s marriage, yet stranger things have happened. Aside from being “one of the greatest inventions of all time,” it’s also apparently a handy device to use in the bedroom. Yeah, that’s not an image anybody wants in their head.
Microwaved Meals For One
Many people don’t like cooking and would rather find an easier solution, instead. Why spend money on take-out when you can microwave just about anything? Without the pressures of cooking for your partner or family, a microwave will do just the trick, sadly.
The reviews are pretty sad, considering one Amazon Customer had to decrease their salt intake because their “tears of loneliness” overpowered any dish they microwaved. A solitary lifestyle isn’t a bad thing, and some people actually prefer it. The woman smiling on the cover of the cookbook probably had good intentions, but the depressed customers were not buying it.
“For Her” Should Be For Anyone
America loves to genderize its products for whatever reason. Deodorants, soaps, and razors are often the items that are specified as for males or females. Pens, though? Pens shouldn’t be “for her” or “for him.” They’re writing utensils!
The sarcastic review that this person left is understandable because of the ridiculousness of pens being genderized in the first place. Although they are purple and pink, they aren’t even ultra-feminine and are rather generic.
More Than Useless
While scrolling through Amazon’s neverending product list, there are some items that make you wonder who would have ever thought to create something like this. From single-use items to gag gifts, Amazon has it all. Even a singing pickle. Seriously, who thinks of this stuff?!
Even crazier is that there are other singing vegetables that exist in the world. Broccoli. Avocados. Aubergine. Jeez, Amazon truly keeps surprising us.
Caution: Do Not Drive With This
It’s common to see car windshield protectors save the car from heating up, especially in the dead of summer. We’d bet money that you’ve never witnessed somebody driving around with one blocking the windshield, though. Well, never say never.
God bless the folks who take the time out of their day to write silly reviews like this one. The person who wrote their Amazon review for the product must have gotten a big kick out of how funny they are. Other people must have felt the same!
Does This Thing Work?
Amazon is full of scammy items that people actually believe will work, and that they spend real money on. For all the conspiracy theorists out there, like this guy, are you ok? No, really. Also, we can’t tell if he’s being sarcastic or deadly serious.
We didn’t know that Amazon even sold UFO detectors until now. Also, if he was being abducted by aliens all the time then he wouldn’t even be on a computer writing that review. The name Cyphis also sounds pretty extraterrestrial.
Out For Revenge
Everybody knows that glitter is extremely fun, but also extremely messy. It’s also not only for kids because adults get varietal uses out of it, too. Who would have thought to use glitter for a revenge tactic? This guy definitely put much thought into getting back his roommate.
This particular Amazon review proves that glitter isn’t just used for arts and crafts projects. For $12.44, the buyer managed to completely cover everything his roommate owns in glitter. He made sure his roommate would never forget what he did, no matter how extreme the result is. We’d be sure to never get on this guy’s bad side or we’ll be dealing with glitter-covered pants for the rest of our lives.
Beware Of Unexpected Side Effects
Although Swiss Army knives have plenty of practical uses, this particular one is not how it was intended to be utilized. Warning: do not buy this product unless you want to become a man, or undergo a serious transformation if you’re a woman.
The customer who purchased this product was probably a father trying to get in some more bonding time with his daughter, but he didn’t know that it would do the opposite in other ways. Yikes! Maybe the dad was hoping he would get a son, instead, but girls are just as capable of handling a Swiss Army Knife, too, ya know.
Confidence Is Key…So Is Smelling Good
People will go to great lengths to make sure that they come across as attractive or flattering to others, especially when it comes to scent. This young man was hoping the deodorant he ordered from Amazon would make the ladies go wild for him, but there was just one problem (or two).
This review comes across as funny and a bit sad. Having “a face that’s hard to overcome” presents obstacles, but we’d hope that people appreciate his personality, smell, and not just his looks. We’re rooting for you, Cole!
A Biased Opinion
Customers can write reviews on just about anything that exists on this planet. There are downsides to this because not everybody has opinions that should necessarily be shared with the whole world. And, this Amazon review proves our point!
He’s the author of his own book so, of course, he gives himself a glowing review. Maybe he’s just goofing around, but we’re thinking he actually takes his work seriously. There’s nothing wrong with being proud of what you’ve accomplished, but maybe tone it down a bit, man.
A Hissing Wife Is Not A Good Sign
Plastic fangs are an item that should be worn to accompany a Halloween costume, or just to use for some genuine fun. But, if your wife won’t take them off and hisses when you ask…it’s best to run.
The 1-star rating has more to do with this man’s wife than the actual product. Vampires have reawakened their popularity recently, although that doesn’t mean that you want your wife to think she is one. We digress – let her have fun with it. For a little bit.
Girl Not Included
Preview photos of products are essential to show people what the item will look like, and, hopefully, it’s accurate. It goes too far when somebody asks if the model in the product’s photo comes, too.
Ok, Amazon sells many things, but obviously not human beings. We’re disturbed that this person even asked if the girl came with the mouse, and it seemed serious. And creepy. Maybe the person is just really lonely, or maybe there’s something gravely wrong with them.
A Weird Question With A Blunt Answer
A good night’s sleep usually helps with having a comfortable, well-made, and high-quality pillow to support your neck and back. In their defense, the person asking this strange question might truly know nothing about pillows and needed an answer to give them peace of mind.
The reviewer clapped back with a witty answer that seemed to be more snippy than jokey, although it may have come off differently to the person who asked the question. Despite how it was supposed to come across, it made us laugh out loud.
Tina Knows Her Stuff
Tina seems like the type of person who has been through a lot in her life. She’s braved the jungles, the mountains, the desert, and any kind of wild animal. She’s graced us lesser humans with her knowledge and shared it on Amazon.
Was this item bear-proof? Clearly not because if Tina says it’s not, then it’s not. She knows way more than we do, so it’s best we listen to her advice. Nothing is bear-proof and we’ll take that to our graves.
Not The Right Abbreviation
Searching for products that are gluten-free is really time-consuming and hard. Since nearly everything has gluten in it, a person with celiac disease is probably throwing up their hands right now. When somebody asked if the sauce was GF, the person who answered had something else in mind.
While GF is more commonly known as “gluten-free” nowadays, it’s also the abbreviated term for girlfriend. Sauces are sauces, not girlfriends. Although, you may indulge yourself in delicious sauces after breaking up with your girlfriend. Whatever mends your broken heart.