Ken M, Your Favorite Internet Troll Strikes Again
Internet trolling is infamous for its propagation of negativity throughout the online realm. However, there are exceptions to this trend, and one such outlier is the online persona known as ‘Ken M.’ Characterized typically as various old men in his avatars, Kenneth McCarthy, a copywriter at Comedy Central.
McCarthy has garnered recognition on the internet for his comical inquiries and witty remarks made on news outlet pages. His large fanbase is a testament to his unique sense of humor, so much so that there is even an entire subreddit, /r/kenm, dedicated to celebrating his offbeat wit and eccentric persona.
Spacy, Silly, Ken
We can’t all be Neil DeGrasse Tyson, and it looks like is trying to make it as clear as day in this post.
Taking the role of a self-appointed scientist, Ken makes up his very own astronomical theories regarding the apparent size of a newly found planet, and on the way pisses off the internet.
SpHAIRed No Expense
Imagine a real-life Jurassic Park situation. You’re driving across the park, mesmerized when suddenly- there it is! You finally the dinosaur you’ve always dreamt of seeing.
A dinosaur in all its hairy, feathery glory. Wait, hairy?! feathers?! Well, if you ask Ken, they had both, and in very specific plces. Another childhood dream was ruineda.
Dog Treat a Day Keeps the Doctor Away
There are a few types of parents: the ones who check every single ingredient of their children’s cereal box, the ones who let go and try not to worry too much, and the
ones who feed their kids dog food. Now we’re not judging or anything, but maybe, just maybe, one option might not be as good as the others Ken, just saying.
One of the Greats.
Meeting a celebrity is always exciting, especially when their behavior can make the situation interesting, or even amusing. Because there are few things as amusing to us
as celebrities behaving badly. But when does the celebrity start to fade? And when does it stop being exciting? According to Ken, there is no such line.
Now you can’t say that Ken doesn’t know how to sing the praises of those who deserve it! According to him, at least. While his proclamation here is completely
bonkers, it is indeed very fun to imagine a space shuttle landing on the back of a moving plane. It’s all very ‘Top Gun’ with Ken.
Holier Than Thou
There are no sacred cows for Ken, and please take it as literally as possible, because he does not draw the line at trolling the believers. This news report about a very
sketchy clergyman had somehow, thanks to Ken, turned into the most unhinged telling of the story of Easter, that had us questioning everything.
What’s scarier? Having your head grow exponentially, or developing a separate consciousness inside your own brain? If you, like any normal person, didn’t have to
imagine it until now, you can thank Ken for planting those ideas in your head. But do try not to grow it out too much, Ken warned it may grow out of control!
Living the High Life
Who doesn’t love complaining? It’s one of humanity’s favorite pastimes, and a perfect way to vent when life becomes too annoying. But one too many complaints, and no one will ever take you seriously again.
Except if you are Ken, who is the true artist of truly rubbing every person online the wrong way with his excessive descriptions of made-up grievances.
Ah, childhood pranks! There is nothing quite like those memories of harmless, innocent fun. Unless those so-called ‘harmless’ pranks turn out to be a very justified
reason to call the authorities or child protective services. But rest assured, things are not always what they look like, some of them, are just harmless typos. Right? RIGHT?
What an Airhead!
For Ken, the trolling train doesn’t stop on the surface of the Earth, as we’ve already seen. This time, curious Ken is all about the red planet, and our beloved troll is making some interesting observations too!
You see, technically, Mars IS above Earth’s atmosphere. Does this claim have any real scientific value? Absolutely not. The comedic value, on the other hand, is off the charts.
The Perfect Contraception
Who knew that the answer to the abortion debate was so easily found? Our dear Ken was kind enough to draw us the most effective way to prevent abortions without
having to abstain- being a same-sex couple! Or maybe for Ken here it’s more like same-sex-friends-with-benefits. Either way, if it works, it works!
The internet is filled to the brim with cleaning hacks- for houses, gardens, cars, and clothes, from experts and non-experts alike. But there are stains that even the most
avid cleaner or the harshest chemical can’t remove. The stains of trolling. And from the looks of it, Ken is marked for life.
Ahead of Its Time
There are some people who were just born in the wrong era, but with their amazing vision, they gave humanity a rare glimpse into the future. However, being a visionary didn’t come without its consequences. Just like Galileo was persecuted for his views
on astronomy, looks like, in the world according to Ken, Ben Franklin’s ideas regarding hygiene products for babies caused quite a stir.
Behold, women of the world! Looks like after a millennium of search we have finally found the ultimate lover. While it’s obvious that Ken never shies away from
displaying his confidence, this claim here is on a totally different level. It seems as though humanity still has a lot to learn, and Ken is here to teach us all.
A Lesson in Biology
Sometimes, the evidence just stacks up until there is absolutely no doubt as to who committed the crime. And while Ken here is by no means a detective, what he saw
simply cannot be disputed. That is if you subscribe to the notion that a dog’s vomit matches their fur color. Looks like Ken absolutely does.
Hasta la Vista, Droney
There are few things that warm the heart more than tools of war being repurposed for peace. Evidently, Ken wholeheartedly agrees. But while his response is very
sweet, one cannot help but wonder if this line of thought was born after watching the ‘Terminator’ movies one too many times.
Looking Out for the Future
If you think Ken is the type of guy who is only out for himself, you are gravely mistaken. Just look at how much he cares about the future discoveries humanity
might unearth! Yes, his reasoning might make you want to pull your hair out, but we can’t help but be ever so slightly moved by his conviction.
Ken is nothing if not a by-the-book fellow. As you can clearly see in this post, where he truly masterfully trolls an innocent peanut butter brand. It seems that whether
you’re a scientist, astronomer, or food brand- no one is safe from Ken and his sharper-than-glass trolling skills.
Joining the list of Ken’s various attributes is, apparently, a somewhat extreme approach to feminism. How extreme? Well, it seems as though Ken will not stand the
objectification of women, even if it is by their own babies. He even brought Dr, Phill into the mix. Seriously, how does he come up with this?
The Land Down Under
A true advocate, even while trolling the forums, dear Ken will never fail to mention the people that all of us tend to forget about. Dog people vs. cat people? Well, what
about the residents of the underground, living on the fringe of society? We can trust Ken to always make sure that they remain part of the conversation.
So far, we’ve established that the way Ken does science, is, well, somewhat unorthodox. But this one had us rolling in our seats, laughing our faces off. If the
thought of those building-size zebras next to bug-size horses wasn’t enough, his final conclusion was definitely it.
Queer Eye for the Divine Guy
As we’ve already discovered, there is no line when it comes to Ken’s trolling, and this time, the big guy in the sky gets it- him and no other. That being said, Ken’s reasoning
here is not without logic, seeing as the big G is indeed quite creative, some may even call him a showman. So we’re with Ken on this one.
Ah, the grand tradition of the groundhog! Because seriously, is there a more adorable way to celebrate the end of winter than with a message straight from this
puffy little creature? Apparently yes, if you ask Ken, who insists on referring to the beloved animal in the most unflattering of nicknames. We’re forced to stand against you in this one Ken.
The Perils of Peacefulness
Every cloud has a silver lining, so the old saying states. But if you ask dear old Ken, he’ll probably be able to find some existential dread even in that silver lining.
Because honestly, this master troller is the only person in the world that can make us anxious about calmness and serenity. Thanks a lot, Ken.
Oceans in Motion
This must be one, if not the most unhinged theories ever produced in Ken’s mind. We’ve heard of giant horses, potato-size planets, and chauvinist babies- but a
receding ocean that spews out whales? If this one doesn’t take the cake, then something much more surreal is on its way.
Time is Relative
History’s greatest scientist, Albert Einstein, proclaimed that everything in the
universe is relative, even time. And then Ken came along and threw relativity out the space station’s window. We’re not mad though
The Mars rover gave us some of the most amazing and important data in human history during its mission on the red planet. But Ken seemingly didn’t quite
understand the little robot’s mission, although his deep concern towards the rover’s Mars quest is rather touching.
Ken's Roman Empire
How many times a day does Ken think of the Roman Empire? Looks like it’s more than most people, considering how well-versed he is in the made-up history of
Roman burial practices, and his concern regarding the honor of the deceased. The reactions are, as always, priceless.
Size Doesn't Matter
Ken continues in his quest to make every person on the face of this planet question everything. And it seems as though the key to every size measurement, according to
the flawless logic of Ken, is exactly just how close to it you are standing currently. Will atoms appear larger the closer we stand to them? No. But Ken’s logic remains flawless.
Long Live the King
While Ken’s botany knowledge is definitely lacking, the regal status of the spud
remains undisputed. We cannot help but wholeheartedly agree with at least part of the point Ken is trying to make here. Long may the potato reign!